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9 мая 2019
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Many parents ask, “Why is my child acting this way?” Children misbehave
for many reasons. The information given in this lesson will help you understand
why your child misbehaves. Once you understand why a young child is
misbehaving, it is easier to choose effective guidance techniques to handle the
situation. Children need to feel that they belong to you, to the family, to the class at
school, to a group of friends. They may misbehave to gain membership or to find
out if they will still be accepted. Thus, it is important to let children know you love
them and that they are still part of the family, even when they behave badly.
Children misbehave to get attention. To a child, any kind of attention is better than
no attention.
Some children feel their parents do not like them or do not talk or spend time
with them. Therefore, these children act up to gain attention. Children who feel this
way may even try to get in trouble to be noticed by a parent. Give your child
attention when he or she is behaving well. Don’t make your child misbehave to get
your attention.
Children misbehave when they feel inadequate or lack confidence. They
may act out when afraid to try new things or fear failure at a new task. Help
children understand that everyone makes mistakes. Children misbehave when they
do not feel well. Children need 8-12 hours of sleep each night, healthful foods,
fresh air, and exercise every day. Without these essentials, they may be hard to get
along with, just as an adult might be. Most discipline problems occur around 8
a.m., noon, p.m., and 8 p.m., times when children are hungry and tired. A change
in behavior is often a sign that a child is ill or has a physical discomfort. Be careful
not to punish your child for having a physical ailment.
Children misbehave when they are upset. A change in the season, daylight
savings time, or a new schedule are minor factors that can upset a child’s routine.
Major factors can include divorce or moving to a new home. The child does not
know how to act in the new situation and needs reassurance and instruction to
guide their behavior. Children misbehave when they are disappointed. A canceled
trip, a parent that does not show up for visitation, or a rained-out ball game can
cause frustration and irritability in all of us. This is when children need adults who
can accept their feelings to help them cope with their disappointment.
Children misbehave when they are discouraged. Adults are often too quick
to tell a child when they do something wrong and forget to tell them what they are
doing right. Children who believe that they are bad will act bad, and perhaps hurt
others. A child who believes he or she is stupid will not do well in school. Children
need praise and approval, even for small things like saying “thank you.” This
prevents them from having to misbehave to get attention. People often say
discouraging things to children that they would never say to an adult. Try to show
your child the same courtesy and encouragement that you give your adult friends.
Children misbehave when they feel unloved. The bond between parent and
child makes the child want to please the parent by behaving well. Parental love
motivates the parent to care for the child. A loving relationship is essential for
positive discipline to guide the child’s behavior. Your child’s actions will improve
if you show signs of love: hugs, kind words, and sharing experiences. Children
may misbehave when they do not know what to do in a new setting or
circumstance. Children make mistakes when they are learning something new; for
instance, falling often when learning to walk, or mispronouncing new words. Try
to have patience as your child learns acceptable behavior. Some acts that parents
refer to as wrong are simply mistakes. The child needs to see appropriate behavior.
Try to anticipate new situations your child may encounter and talk about what they
will be like. Discuss the problems and choices of behavior a child needs to make
when exposed to a new setting. Parents cannot always be with their child when
situations arise. Thus, it is important to practice thinking ahead. For example, talk
with your three-year-old about how to answer the phone.
Children misbehave when they imitate their parents. Children experiment
with behavior they see on television, at school, and at child care by mimicking
other adults and children. Unfortunately, we cannot control what our children see
others doing, but we can control what we do by acting as good role models and
admitting our mistakes. If a parent swears, the child may use bad language as well.
If a parent hits a child, the child may hit a brother or sister. Parents can say, “I was
wrong to yell.” We need to make clear to children which behaviors we want them
to choose for themselves. This is especially important when bad behavior is
presented as cute, heroic, or funny in television and movies. Children test their
parent’s discipline. They want to know that their parents truly mean what they say.
Misbehavior can occur when a child checks to see which behaviors the parent likes
and dislikes. Be firm about what is important to you and the behaviors you value,
in order to meet the goals you have for your child. Sometimes children misbehave
when trying to stand up for themselves and their ideas. This is a sign of growing
up. They may run away from an abusive parent or refuse to do something they
think is wrong. In some cases, after seeing the child’s point of view, the parent
changes their own views or behaviors. In other cases, the parent may decide to
insist on obedience. Be patient. Children have a lot to learn. You have 12-18 years
to teach your child how to behave. Children misbehave when we expect too much
or too little from them. Take the time to enjoy your children as they learn about
right and wrong behavior. Your children need to know that you accept them just
the way they are. Let them know you will always love them and will be there to
teach them what is right. Emphasize that they can depend on your love and
discipline.
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